Life Of The Party? - PART I

Generally, I find there are 3 types of people at a House Party/BBQ/Beer Garden Event:
The Corner Dweller, The Quietly Confident, The Life Of The Party.
Which of these would you consider you are? Let us take a closer look:


1. The Corner Dweller - Let's call him Sam. Sam gets invited to a Birthday Party by his best friend. Sam thinks to himself.... "Oh GOD, I hate parties. Am I doing something else that night? PLEASE, let me be doing something else that night. Caring for my sick Granny? Saving the life of a small child? Working? Ooh, There's one I can use - simple, effective... Hmm, maybe not. That works most times, but this is my best friend's Birthday. I HAVE to go. Might get a migraine halfway through. Or just get smashed. One of those will do".
Sam is one of those people at parties that most others assume have their heads up their arseholes. He enters the room, exchanges pleasantries with the host and maybe 1 or 2 other people he knows well, then wanders over to the darkest corner.

He comes across aloof. He answers questions about himself with one word answers. He rolls his eyes at the people dancing in the middle of the room like they're retards. If someone asks him to come dance, he says "err, no. I DON'T dance". He often doesn't laugh at people's jokes. Whenever someone tries to spark conversation with him, he suddenly needs to go pee .... for the 7th time that hour, or he excuses himself and moves to one of the other corners. Sam generally doesn't make a very good impression all round.
People generally don't approach Sam after the first try as they've decided he's pretty full of himself and they don't want to feel rejected when they begin conversation but get a dead fish in response, making them feel a bit silly and awkward.
When it's time for Sam to leave, he'll give the host a quick "gotta get going, really tired" then slip out the door as nobody notices.

Sam's not a bad guy though. The truth is, he most likely spends the entire night terrified, feeling like everyone is judging him. Like they can see every single one of his faults like he has them written across his forehead. Judging his looks, his weight, his hair, his clothing, and judging every single word he says.

No, Sam isn't a paranoid Schizophrenic. He just has a fear of Social situations.

Sam might also be incredibly self-concious and most likely has no self confidence whatsoever. The words 'Party' or 'BBQ' to Sam, switches on panic alarms from the get go.

Upon leaving for the Party, Sam's heart rate increases, he feels sick, he starts coming up with all kinds of last-minute escape plans. If he thinks he can get away with it, he'll use one. If he knows he won't, he does his best to 'get through the ordeal' as quietly and quickly as possible.

Or there's the other option. Sometimes Sam just gets absolutely smashed as quickly as possible. The panic subsides, the fears vanish. Then Sam's feelings go to the other extreme, suddenly he's SUPERMAN and DEMANDS the attention of each and every one at the Party. Quite possibly coming across somewhat obnoxious, or even just like a total knob. At least that's what he'll believe the next day.

2. The Quietly Confident - Her name can be Sally. She's the one at the Party who enters with a smile, doesn't seem to care where she stands or sits, she's happy to be anywhere in the room and seems to mingle well. She's pleasant, happy to engage in small talk, she'll laugh conservatively, but never loudly.
Sally will have a few drinks, but probably rarely gets drunk. She's composed and gracious. She won't get noticed from the other side of the room, but if someone stumbles across her conversation, they'll probably like her quite a bit and try to engage with her themselves.
Sally will most likely not dance, or if she does it's in a very conservative and graciously fashion and only for a very short time.
When it's time for Sally to leave, she'll make her way around and try to say a nice goodbye to everyone she's met that night, whilst extending her hand or her cheek to them and giving them a warm smile.

Yes, it's more than likely that Sally is indeed, a quietly confident person. She isn't intimidated by a new Social situation yet she doesn't need to let the World know she's there either.
She may have once been a Corner Dweller, She may have once been Life Of The Party. Maybe she's always been the Quietly Confident. But she's settled nicely into who she is and doesn't need the affects of alcohol to be where she is.
We all like Sally. She's nice.

TO BE CONCLUDED IN PART II - 'The Life Of The Party' and a closer look at all 3.
:-)

Work Life - Part II - The Rise and Rise

So there I was. Brain and back injuries, on the dole and no idea where to go next.  This is where the "lived out of my car" comes into it.

Over the next year I applied for all sorts of jobs including a Drive-thru bottle shop and even McDonald's (and was rejected). I suffered Financially and physically, but worst of all, mentally and emotionally. Low self-esteem, low confidence, wondering if I'd ever be accepted back into the work force and how this would affect the rest of my life.

I finally got a job cleaning a Private Men's Club (toilets and other icky stuff). Worked up to behind the bar. But being on the feet all shift killed the back. So another few months out of work. Then got a job as a storeman. I found the Brain Injury was improving over time too. I'd learned ways to learn and remember things that the brain would no longer permit. But I worked there about 6 months, in pain every day when that too became too much. So another 18 months off, trying an alternative Oxygen Chamber Therapy & Acupuncture for 6 months which did nothing other than see me about $8K out of pocket (TAC Insurance didn't support this type of therapy). Over time though, the Brain Injury continued to improve.

Then I got a Casual job in a Call Centre. Worked up to Assistant Team Leader, but then the Centre lost the contract and we were all out of work. With the help of a friend and 'Assistant Team Leader' on the Resume, moved onto Consumer Credit Assessment for a Credit Union for a 6 month contract. When finished, used that to get into the NAB in Business Payments. Even won 2 monthly awards for going above and beyond. But again, Casual work, so wound up unemployed after a year due to a restructure. I used that experience to get into a new campaign Dunn & Bradstreet were running as Commercial Credit Consultant. Ended up running the program with a few assistants. But after a year of that, working 12 hours a day for $34K wasn't working for me.

So I quit to follow my passion for music. Whilst at Dunn & Bradstreet, my Mum sold me her 2 bedroom apartment for 'mates rates' - a 3rd of the value. So I got a mortgage easily and extended the Mortgage to buy a new car and spend $30K on a Home Recording Studio.

I got cocky and thought I could take a few months off, work on music then go back to work. I worked on the music and loved it, but 3 months later, when time came to go back to work, I was about 33 with no real certification behind me so I once again found myself struggling to find work. Did some short term, casual jobs like stuffing envelopes, relief for Reception etc. Eventually I had to sell the apartment as I got so behind with the repayments.

Then out of the blue, I got a temp job at Foster's. Within 3 months the position expanded. Great job, good perks, good money, interstate travel in 5 Star hotels. Working with Senior Winemakers, Marketers, Legals and Production team. I finally felt satisfied that I'd worked up from toilets to this. It felt like an awesome achievement. When that job went to Adelaide with the Southcorp Wines takeover, I move into Export. Again satisfying - great team, good money etc. But after a few months I started dreading going to work. Was dissatisfied, annoyed, frustrated and had no idea why.

It took me a few months to realise I simply missed what I now believe I was born to do. Work with people with disabilities. Make a difference. Helping a multi-million dollar company make more millions, simply didn't cut it anymore.

So I left and got a job as a PCW (big step down from PCA) with Doutta Galla Comunnity Health in a Supported Residential Service - an 11 person Permanent residence which housed people suffering debilitating Mental Illness -  Schizophrenia. There again I was cleaning toilets, vacuuming, mopping floors, cooking meals .... for $18 an hour. But I LOVED it. Over time I helped out more in the office, took on Support Worker Duties and Outreach duties, worked with Mental Health Case Managers. Got Certificate III in Aged Care and other Certs. Learned a lot about Mental Health.

But alas, after 4 years, the manual aspect of the job got me to the point that my back was in so much pain, I was dropping Panadiene Forte simply to get through my shift. So it was time for change again. A new friend of mine, Brett had heard I was looking and said there was a job going where he worked.

So in August this year I applied for a role as Case Manager in Disability Employment Services with WISE Employment. I got the job. And over the last 3 months, I've found that there couldn't be a job more perfect. Not only working in Disabilities in an office environment (so no back pain at all), but working with people trying to get work with an ongoing disability is something I know a lot about.

I can empathise completely with my clients. When appropriate, for engagement purposes, I tell my clients about my history and experience after the Car accident and usually, they look at me with this look on their face of bewildered happiness. One client actually broke down and cried. A former professional worker with a Brain injury from a car accident. She came in angry, disillusioned and upon meeting me for the first time, started the session with: "I'm not happy with these organisations and I want out! Nobody understands. They look at me and because they can't see my injuries they think I'm full of shit and wonder why I can't get a job". Then I told her my story and promised to work very hard to help her get back where she belongs. Mid interview she grabbed my hands in hers and burst into tears saying: "Oh my God, someone who finally understands. You GET it, you REALLY GET it."

I was home :)

Work Life - Part I - The Rise and Fall

At 4 years old I wanted to be a Pop Star. I had my first turntable at the age of 2. My head was stuck in my speakers from the age of 4. By the time I hit High school, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I finished School. Was simple. A Pop Star.

Alas, I left School at 15 in mid Year 11 (I always struggled with classes -  undiagnosed ADHD???). I didn't know what to do next. I never really learned music, just loved it. I'd worked part time in a Milk Bar on weekends when I was 14. What to do next? I spent the next 3 years partly bumming around, partly having a go at different jobs. I worked as a Coffin Trimer for 3 months. Making artificial plants for 2 weeks. Worked at Pet's Paradise for a week. Did 1 day at a Toxic Waste Disposal Plant. Hated every one of them. 'Work' was a dirty word. I thought: "Is this as good as it gets?"

At 17 I worked as a Delivery Boy for a Printing Company in the city. Moved to Printer's Assistant, then Printer. It was ok. But got bored. Went back to bumming around for a bit (mmmm beer). Then did a few other jobs short term including door to door sales.

Then, at 22, I went for a job as a PCA (Personal Care Attendant). Got on the job training then worked in people's private homes assisting Paraplegics, Quadriplegics, Brain Injuries & Stroke Victims. I learned to insert Catheters (those pee bags), perform Hydrotherapy, physio stretches, dress, undress and shower people, clean lots of poo and vomit ... and I LOVED it! I'd never done anything so satisfying in my life.

By the age of 25 I was working Fulltime as a Disability Support Worker and working Part-time as a PCA at a Nursing Home. I'd never ever thought I'd use the words 'love' and 'job' in the same sentence. It was amazing.

Then, about 5am one early morning, driving home as DD (Designated Driver, not Drunk and Disorderly) from a night out clubbing, I suddenly became very drowsy at the wheel on the Monash Freeway. I decided to pull over for that '15 minute Powernap' the TAC had been plugging on TV. I stopped in the Emergency Lane and went to sleep. 10 minutes later, a Drink Driver fell asleep at the wheel and hit us at 90kms/hr.

2 mates in the back were killed. They were 20. My partner at the time sustained moderate injuries. I almost died. Lower back injury, broken ribs, internal bleeding, a lung filled with blood, a Brain Injury and cuts, bruises etc.

1 week in Intensive Care. then 3 weeks in a Private room with an epidural in my back and 2-hourly pethadeine (spell check?) shots. Next step was a year in Rehab.
At the end of that, I was sent on my way with: "Your back is rooted and always will be, you can't do what you used to do. Find something different. Also, you'll always have trouble learning new tasks and Short Term Memory problems are here to stay. Good luck. Ciao"........

TO BE CONTINUED

First Post

My name is Brett. I'm 41 years old. I live in a suburb West of  Melbourne with my partner James.
I consider my life to be a happy one and I've had many happy and enriching experiences over the years.

I've also had very sad times. Very unhappy times. Times when I wanted to give up altogether. But I believe it's the sad, unhappy & challenging times that have allowed me to live in the happy space that I'm in now.

I come from a lower socio-economic background. Single mother in a 2 bedroom flat in a (then) poor suburb. I've had times when I've thought that success was unattainable. I've had times when I've had to seek out food vouchers. Times I felt Stupid and useless. Times when I've lived out of my old and battered car. Times when I thought I didn't have a friend in the World. Times when I thought that I was so different from everyone else on the planet, that nobody could even understand me.

But I've also had times of utter joy. Times I've felt so loved that it's taken my breath away. Times when I had more money in the bank that I thought I''d ever see in my lifetime. Times when I've felt like the luckiest man alive.

So I have stories. I have morals. I have values. I have opinions. I now have a blog where I can share all of these things with whoever cares to read about them.

And this is the first :)